Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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