I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
