life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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