I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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