I think im going to throw up on grandma
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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