My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
