there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want to make out with him forever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
