a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
