That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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