she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
