it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
