I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
