my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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