Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
