i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
