my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
