oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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