Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
