I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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