I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
