I need to stop coming to work sober
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
