I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
