I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
