No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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