i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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