Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Damn victory sex feels great
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
