How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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