Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
