sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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