she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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