I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
