I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
