Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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