This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
