i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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