i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My breasts were aching with rage.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
