Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
