don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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