I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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