i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
