And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think i have two assholes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
