Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
