Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
