If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
