I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
