You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
