I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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