she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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