Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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