His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
